Week 1 Update

I really really want to blog, but I'm not sure I have anything to say. But I read somewhere that you should write...even if you don't have anything to say. So here I am.

After my diagnosis I stopped eating all sugars and most carbohydrates. I've never been a huge dessert fan, but I do like to have something sweet every now and then. The last time that I lost weight I depended lots on fruit, sugar-free Jello, tic tacs, and several weight watcher desserts. This time that's not possible. I can't have sugar, so that only leaves the sugar free Jello....which is ok, but lets face it, we all like a little variety. I decided last week that I would try the sugar free candies that I've seen. My favorite was Nips. They are amazing!! But no wonder, they are made with sugar alcohol, which are still carbohydrates! Same for all of the other sugar-free candy I've seen. Can we say false advertising....if sugar alcohol comes from sugar, then it's not sugar free!

My diet is pretty boring at the minute, but I'm trying to eat for nourishment, not for enjoyment. Most days I eat 2 boiled eggs for breakfast, or an occasional egg white omelet with fat free cheese and deli turkey. Breakfast is usually a chicken breast with BBQ sauce (my only sugar for the meal) and whatever left over veggie I have leftover in the fridge. Lately it's either asparagus or collard greens. My WONDERFUL mom made be lots of collards and froze them in large portions. I usually eat 1/2 for dinner and take the other 1/2 to lunch the next day. Dinner is pretty much the same as lunch, but sometimes with tilapia instead of chicken. I found an avocado veggie dip that I sometimes eat with broccoli when I get the late night munchies.

Weight watchers went well the first week. It's hard for me to eat all of my points each week since the only things that I eat that have a value is meat and dips. Veggies are 0 points. At the meeting on Monday I weighed 236.4...a 2.6 lb loss. I'm not gonna lie, I was disappointed. I keep having to remind myself that I lost almost 10 lbs the week before. I expected a bigger loss my first week. I think the last time I joined WW's I lost almost 6 lbs the first week....but I'm trying to remember that slow and steady wins the race.

I had a follow-up appointment with Dr. Newton yesterday. He really just wanted to look at my numbers and make sure I was headed down the right path. My blood sugar was in the mid to high 100's which is a great improvement, however my A1C was HIGH...hoping that when it is rechecked in 3 months it is way lower and closer to a 6 or 7 . Eating right is helping, but it's going to be a slow journey! I asked if I would still have to increase to 4 pills...unfortunately he said yes...for now. I'm taking 2 this week, but hoping that I can really get my blood sugars under control and won't need to go to 4 when the time comes. As a side note, my blood pressure was great. In fact, Dr. Newton seemed to show a little concern that it could go too low. The visit in general gave me a brighter outlook....which is somewhat scary. Weird I know...but I already worry that I'll loose my motivation as I get healthy.

I never heard from the doctors office about my referral for diabetic education, which was frustrating! I asked again yesterday only to be told that they only do the class once a month, and the next class was in late December! Seriously? How am I supposed know what to eat and what all these medical stats mean with out this class? A friend told me about a member of our church that is actually the Diabetic Education Coordinator in Gainesville, so I approached her at church Sunday to ask a few questions. She said that I could have 45 carbs per meal. Great news, but I haven't done that yet. I'm wondering if no carbs will get my blood sugar down faster? I could be totally wrong and it could be like water....the more you drink, the less you retain. I really want to get as much knowledge as possible about this disease so that I can fight it and win the war...with as few a battles as possible. I keep searching the internet, but it's hard to know what's true and whats opinion...or a sales pitch for a medication. I'm really looking forward to the education classes and the opportunity to learn more about what causes diabetes, and how to fight it best. I'm also hoping that there are others there that can give me ideas on what to eat and how to add more variety to my meals. I don't know how long I can endure only chicken and collards....with an occasional SF Jello.

Why?

I've spent the majority of my life being 'fat'. I have several theories as to why. Hopefully I'll get a clearer answer to the "Why?" along this journey.

I grew up in a single parent home where my mom couldn't afford fresh veggies all the time. We ate a lot of macaroni and cheese and hotdogs. I don't remember eating a lot of veggies. I think that this could be one reason why I don't really enjoy them to this day.

I've dealt with a lot of things that felt like rejection in my life. The most major was my dad choosing another family over ours. I think that was the beginning of my never feeling good enough or worthy. I've been left out intentionally (and unintentionally) and have been rejected when auditioning for a solo's or drama parts for different events. Both of my Grandmothers have had expectations of me that I didn't meet. I was the only granddaughter on one side and never felt thin enough, girly enough, or eloquent enough for her liking. On the other side I was the biggest grandchild and always felt somewhat out of place and was always doing something wrong. My mom always seems to see the negative in what I do (or don't do). When she is positive I have a hard time excepting it as genuine. I've always been the person that gives in to what others want. I would rather someone else choose an activity or restaurant than have them be disappointed in the choice that I might make. I've always cheered for the underdog, and hoped that someone would cheer for me. All of this is how I FEEL...not necessarily what is TRUE! They are excuses that I need to overcome...and they are all lies from the enemy. We all make mistakes and I need to forgive those that have hurt me in the past and seek to be optimistic. My dad made some hurtful decisions, but they have been made and my holding on to the hurt doesn't help him, me, or our relationship. Everyone deserves and opportunity to be the "star" at some point, my being rejected only made way for others to have the spotlight. I wasn't rejected. I was selfish. My Grandmothers weren't disappointed in who I was, they only saw who I could be and wanted to best for me. My mom loves me. She is my biggest supporter. She may not say it, but she sees the best in me...I mean who tells people that they are glad they took the trash out or love the freshly cut grass? So what if someone is disappointed in my choice of restaurant or activity? They can voice their opinion and we can compromise, or they don't have to participate...and really are they going to be disappointed? I have great taste and it's just one meal. What's wrong for cheering for the underdog? I'm commanded to care for orphans and widows and show compassion.

I allow satan to whisper lies in to my ear way to much. John 8:44 says that "He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.' I must remind myself of this daily and recognize that he is a liar! I need to hold on to truth. God chose me. He adopted me as an heir with Christ. He finds me worthy because of no act of my own. He loves me and created me to glorify Him. I can do that by being obedient and enjoying him.

Starting Over: New Lifestyle, New Journey, New Blog

I've never been much of a blogger, as evidenced by the fact that this is my first post in two and a half years. I just never thought that I really had anything to say, or that others would want to read. And I wasn't sure that I wanted to be vulnerable enough to share the things that may be helpful to others (and myself). So I've decided that I need to blog to help get my thoughts and feeling out of my head. With that said, I'm not going to do a lot of editing, or proofreading. I'm going to lay aside my fear of judgement, and just be honest with myself as I start this new journey. So if your one of the FIVE people that use to follow my blog two years ago...feel free to un-follow me if you think I'm being too honest or can't handle all the grammatical errors and typos. I won't be offended :)

I've been feeling tired, lethargic, and just blah over the last month or so. I started stopping by the Ingles pharmacy when I was grocery shopping to check my blood pressure. It was always in the 140's over 90's, which is high. Although I didn't really want to have a doctor tell me that I had high blood pressure because of my weight, I decided that I didn't want to die or get worse, so I better make an appointment. That appointment was at 3:00 on 11/2/11. I weighed 248 lbs and my doctor prescribed a blood pressure medication and asked me to come in the next day to have some blood drawn to test my cholesterol, kidney function, thyroid, and insulin levels. He also wanted to see me in one week. I got a call from the nurse that Friday saying that my thyroid, and kidney function looked good, but my cholesterol was high and my insulin levels were abnormal. I was upset. This could have all been prevented. I began eating better (lean meat, fruits, and veggies, low fat). I even attended a Weight Watchers meeting that next Monday (weighed in at 240). On November 9, 2011 I meet with Dr. Newton (after weighing in at 238) to go over my lab results. My fears were confirmed. I have Type 2 Diabetes. After this appointment, I am now taking 2 blood pressure pills, 1 diabetes pill, and 1 cholesterol pill. I'm the girl that will endure a headache because I hate taking medication! At the moment this is my motivation, to get off of all the medication!

Was I upset? yes. But, I'm choosing to look at this optimistically. I had NO desire to eat healthy or exercise prior to 11/2/11. This is a wake up call for me. I am currently motivated to not only change my eating habits, but to change my lifestyle. Part of the reason that I need to blog about my journey is because I don't want to loose weight and get off of my medication only to revert to old habits and be back where I am. I'm hoping that by being real with myself (and whoever is reading this) I will learn from my mistakes and not return to this place.

He is Risen!

“On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” Then they remembered his words.
When they came back from the tomb, they told all these things to the Eleven and to all the others. It was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them who told this to the apostles. But they did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense. Peter, however, got up and ran to the tomb. Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away, wondering to himself what had happened.” Luke 24:1-12

Snow Like Mercy, Fall on Me

"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." Isaiah 1:18

Can you believe it?!? Today is April 7, 2009, just 5 days before Easter and it's snowing! The weather here is crazy. It was in the low 70's on Saturday, and now the snow is falling! However, our God is in control of it all, and as Good Friday approaches I can't think of a better time for it to snow! What an amazing reminder that "while we were still sinner Christ died". He takes our dirty lives that are nothing but filthy rags and makes us white as the purest snow! Wow! I have been a Christian for almost 20 years, but I still have a hard time understanding that. Almighty God, creator of the heavens and the earth loves me! He is intimately involved in every single part of my life! He even knows the number of hairs that are on my head! Not only does he love me, but he desires an intimate and real relationship with me. He desires for me to know him and spend time with him. He wants my life to be a reflection of Him so that he will be Glorified. However, there was a problem. Sin got in the way of my relationship with Jesus.

Camp: It's So Much More

According to wikipedia.com, summer camp is a supervised program for children and/or teenagers conducted (usually) during the summer months in some countries. I believe that it is so much more!

I grew up attending a camp for two weeks every summer with my brother. My parents would drive to the mountains as my brother and I sat in the backseat, giddy with excitement. We would pull though the gates, hop out of the car, and breathe in the fresh air. You may have heard people say “There is no place like home”. For me it was “There is no place like Camp”. After two amazing weeks my parents would return to pick me up. However, leaving was much different than arriving. I would cling to my counselors and friends as tears streamed down my cheeks; I simply didn’t want to leave. Once home, my parents would endure weeks of endless camp stories; how I hit the bulls-eye in riflery, or dressed up as an Indian for an evening activity. They knew the names of each girl in my cabin. They patiently listened as I told them all about my amazing counselors, and the nightly devotions that they shared. I’m surprised that my parents didn’t invest in a good set of ear plugs as I spent my waking moments belting out camp songs and cheers!

Camp friends are the kind of friends that you don’t find everyday. They are life long friends. When I arrived at camp, I was free to be me. I didn’t have to wear the right clothes, or say the right things. Camp helped me to tear down walls and be myself. It was ok to wear mismatched clothes and act silly. It was ok to sing off key. My camp friends knew the real me. They continue to be friends that I can depend on to love me unconditionally just as I am. They are my family. They are the reason that camp felt like home to me.

Camp didn’t just stay with me for a few weeks or months or even years. Camp impacted my life for eternity! My walk with Jesus began on the front row of the chapel as I made Him the Lord of my life. Camp taught me the importance of scripture memory and accountability. My experiences at camp gave me the self-confidence to step out of the box and truly live.
My life is proof of the impact that camp can make. My parents weren’t wealthy. They didn’t have extra money to send me to camp. However, they saw the difference that first summer made in my life. They made many sacrifices so that I could experience all that camp had to offer. I will never be able to thank them enough for allowing me to go.

I know that in today’s economy camp may seem like an easy thing to scratch off the ‘to do’ list. However, don’t underestimate the lasting impact that two-weeks at camp can make. It made an impact on mine, and I can’t imagine my life without it!

Christmas in a Backpack 2008

"And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased" Hebrews 13:16

I love how God works! In 2002 I was teaching at Westminster Christian School when I first met Ken and Tracy Grindle. They began Net India Ministries in 2000 and in December of 2002 held their very first Christmas in a Backpack. It was during that first trip that I knew I would one day be apart of a Christmas in a Backpack team; however the Lord would not open the doors for me to go until 6 years later! What an amazing trip it was. I serve an amazing God who holds all things in the palm of his hand!

After more than 20 hours of flying we landed in New Delhi, India. From New Delhi we flew 2 hours to Ranchi. From Ranchi we took a 4 hour train ride to Rourkela. From Rourkela we traveled 2 hours by taxi to the village of Thumpabella! Whew! Boy were we tired when we finally arrived at the home of the local pastor and only known Christian in that village!
The following morning we woke early and began packing 1800 backpacks! Each backpack was loaded up with a wool blanket, towel, comb, mirror, toothpaste, toothbrush, soap, hair oil, candy, and most importantly a Bible in the language of that village! Packing took us the entire day! Just after nightfall we loaded 900 backpacks into a trailer being pulled by an old tractor. They were transported to the distribution site where we unloaded them under a tent so that they were ready for the festivities of the next morning!
After waking up the next morning we were soon greeted by several of the local villagers. They were dancing and playing the drums as they welcomed us to their village. They lead us though the village until we arrived at our distribution site. We sang several songs, told the people about how much Jesus loves them, and gave a backpack to every boy and girl there. All in all we handed out 400 backpacks the first day and saw over 200 people accept Jesus as there personal Savior and Lord! After the ceremony we provided all that were there with a hot meal and were able to spend some time just hanging out with the precious Indian people.
The next day we awoke early to prepare for the final 2 distribution services. The first service began at 11:00am and there were approximately 800 people in attendance! The service was similar to the day before and we saw an additional 400 people give their lives to Christ! God is so good! As we were preparing for the second service some local priests arrived and were angry about what we were doing. They demanded that we leave and give them all of the remaining backpacks. In order to avoid any danger we decided to leave the backpacks with the local pastor for later distribution and then packed up and left at nightfall a day early.

After spending the night in Rourkela we woke up early...4am...and headed to the train station. We took a fast train to Ranchi before boarding a flight to New Delhi. After arriving in New Delhi we took a 4 hour bus ride to Agra. We took a short nap at a hotel before waking up the next morning to visit the Taj Mahal! What an amazing place! The Taj is a mausoleum of an Indian king and his favorite wife. It is made completely out of white marble and has semi precious jewels inlayed throughout the walls! We hired a tour guide who told us all about the king, his life, and the Taj. We then told him about Jesus and his life, death, and resurrection. As a result this precious man is now my brother in Christ.
God is doing some amazing things in the nation on India. He is at work there! Please continue to pray for the believers in the village of Thumpabella as well as the believers in the Indian state of Orissa. There are many persecuted Christians who truly know what Paul meant when he said "To live is Christ and to die is Gain". I'm so thankful that the Lord called me to go to India and participate in the Christmas in a Backpack project. I'm also thankful that I am apart of the Strong Rock Family, and that they allowed be to be obedient to God's calling!